


I Can't Lose You If I Never Had You

by dewmorning



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29356836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dewmorning/pseuds/dewmorning
Summary: Their story is over and it's up to Jisung if he wants to repeat it.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26
Collections: MINSUNG FICATHON: Round One; 2020





	I Can't Lose You If I Never Had You

**Author's Note:**

> `Written for [MINSUNG FICATHON](http://twitter.com/minsungficathon), for PROMPT **P060**`

1st of May. Jisung always hated the 1st of every month. Why? Spring cleaning.

Jisung held the photo album in his hands. The floral designed cover looking back at him, taunting him.

"Why do I even try." A disappointed sigh escaped his lips, his hands grasping the album's sides as he reached up to place it back on the shelf. The album eases itself into the hole it came from. A white picture falls out of the album. It glides down through the air, Jisung's eyes following its movement. He reaches out and feels the photo make contact with his hand.

Jisung looks at the photo. A polaroid photo taken by his friend Hyunjin of him and his ex, Lee Minho. 

His grip tightens, the photo almost crumpling. Jisung and Minho's arms interlocked, the basketball court they used to hang out in with their friends as the backdrop. He missed this, he really did. Their story is over, it's just up to him if he wanted to remember everything.

"Jisung! Look out!" Jisung looks up, looking for who called him. Bad decision. A flying object comes in contact with his face.

"Shit, I think my nose broke." Jisung brings his hand to his nose, massaging the bridge before looking down at exactly what hit him.

A basketball.

Jisung raised his head to analyze his surroundings. Same court, same event, same people. 

And the same fucker that broke his heart. 

"Jisung! Are you alright?" Minho places his hand on Jisung's shoulder. "Sorry about that, Seungmin sucks at aiming--" 

"Wrong! I was aiming at Jisung!" Jisung heard Seungmin from across the court, Hyunjin smacking his shoulder with one hand and his camera being held in the other. 

"Jisung? Jisung!" 

"Huh? Oh right, yeah. Yeah, I'm ok."

"Oh, uhm. Alright then. Sorry."

Minho left Jisung’s side, taking the basketball with him and moving back to the court. Jisung, now feeling slightly at ease, let his shoulders drop. 

"What the fuck just happened?" Words slipped out of his mouth, jumbled and no louder than a whisper. His hands were empty, the picture nowhere in sight. "That makes sense, it hasn't been taken yet anyway." Then the realization hit him.

The picture was supposed to be taken right before Minho left his side. 

Jisung tilted his head back, deep in his own thoughts. "If I’m in the past, then... Can I change where it all went wrong?" 

"Jisung, psst. I'm leaving now. You coming or?" Minho reappeared in front of him again. Hand stretched out and that lovely look in his eyes. Jisung hates that look.

Jisung brushes Minhos' hand to the side. "Yeah, I'm leaving too."

"Oh, the others just left. I just wanted to know if you wanted to come with me."

"Oh."

Jisung watches Minho bring his own hand to his side, caressing it after Jisung slapped it away. The action made Jisung feel some sort of guilt. He wasn't usually this cold. But he was stubborn.

"Why should I go with you?" Minho placed his thumb and index finger on his chin in some sort of thinking position.

"Hm... why don't we go to the arcade?"

"We went there yesterday."

"Right."

A pregnant pause. Jisung wanted to fill it with comforting words, telling Minho that he's sorry for the words he's previously said. "He deserves it." He reasons with himself, but does he? This isn't the Minho that he knows in the future, this _was_ Minho. He's already messed up the timeline, what's wrong with messing it up a little bit more?

"I was kidding. We can go to the arcade." Jisung knew exactly what he was doing when Minho's eyes lit up. When did he start playing hard-to-get?

The two men walked out of the court. Jisung noticed Minho's hand trying to reach out for him but pulled back. He sighs before continuing his walk to the bus stop. 

The walk, although not so long in real time, felt like forever to the two. The tension--which shouldn't even be there--was nauseating. The pair boarded the bus, Minho making way for Jisung so that he sits on the inside next to the window. 

Jisung looks out at the window. Buildings becoming a blur, the background to his thoughts. What can he do? Other than completely trash this 'date'--why would he do that?-- what then? Does he wallop in shame? Does he make this day count? 

Jisung feels a shift to his left. He glances to his side to witness Minho shuffling closer to him, his hand awkwardly placed between them. _Don't do it Jisung, don't do it--_ In contrast to his thoughts, Jisung brings his left hand closer to Minho and interlocks their fingers. He gives a slight squeeze to reassure him of any misconceptions he might have about his 'sudden' change in attitude. Minho squeezes back. Maybe being with him again isn't such a bad thing after all.

Jisung was taken out of his thoughts thanks to the stop announcement. The force of Minho pulling him by his hand caused him to stand up and the two exited the vehicle.

"So, what game do you want to do first?" Minho broke the silence with a simple ice-breaker. 

"We're not even there yet."

"Wouldn't it be better to have a plan?"

"..."

The more he thought about it, they never went to the arcade after going to the court, in fact, they've never gone to the arcade for a date. It would be harder to tell the outcome now. 

"Jisung! Come on!" Jisung looks up from where he was standing. Minho waved around his fist, the machine coins inside them. Jisung smiled to himself. "I guess that's one thing that changed about him."

"I bet I can beat you at Mario Kart." Was the first thing Minho told him once he entered earshot. 

"Please, you could barely beat the NPCs on normal mode." Jisung's retaliation caused Minho to shake his head in disbelief. "You're so gonna pay for that one."

The two of them, now seated on the car seats stationed in front of the screen choosing their characters. Turning the steering wheel, Jisung picks the classic Mario. He never saw the need to invest in other characters when you can be emotionally invested in just one. Then the countdown started.

"Hey Jisung, are you ready?"

"What, to win? Of course I am."

The only sounds they could hear were the karaoke and rhythm games behind them. The machine was made to play only one round. A steep turn came up, Jisung placed his foot on the brakes to drift.

Until he got hit by a red shell.

The game ended, the finish line just in sight. Even the NPCs got past him. Jisung whipped his head to his left only to catch Minho laughing amusedly at the result. 

"What the hell was that?!"

"Hm, me absolutely beating you at Mario Kart?"

Jisung crossed his arms, murderous intent in his eyes that stared at the screen which had a bold **Last Place** staring back at him.

He soon felt some kind of pressure against his head and ruffled his hair.

"Aw, don't worry, Sungie. You'll get it next time. If you get better that is."

"I heard that you prick."

Jisung dragged Minho to the basketball hoops.

"A hoop game? You didn't even play with us awhile ago."

"I was saving my energy to beat you at this one."

"Yeah, sure~"

The two men positioned themselves in front of their respective basketball hoops. They've already entered their coins, the last thing to do was press the button.

"3,2,1."

The competition was quite fierce. Jisung focused on one thing, winning. He refuses to look inferior to Minho at a vital--not exactly vital-- stage in his life. 

The sound of the ball hitting the backboard before entering or not making a sound at all. The dissatisfaction of the ball hitting the ring then being pushed out. Points going up constantly. Jisung didn't want to glance at what Minho was doing, not even look at him. He was determined. _Maybe it would’ve ended better if he was this determined at keeping them together._

Then the timer hit 0. Jisung took deep breaths, holding onto the machine in front of him for support. His eyes wandered to Minho who must've been finished too. His first mistake was making direct eye-contact with him.

It was a trap, a sinkhole that suddenly appears once you walk over it, dragging you in slowly like quicksand. A smile ghosting Minho's lips.

"You won."

Jisung looked back between both of their scores. The difference only being 50 points.

"Damn, how many did you miss?"

"Oh shut up." Jisung laughed at his distraught. 

"At least now _you_ know what it feels like to be in pain-"

"-What?" Minho's eyebrows furrowed at Jisung's statement. Jisung cursed silently in his head. This Minho doesn't know anything about...what he would do.

"W-well, now you know what it's like to lose. That's what I meant."

"So you admit your loss in Mario Kart?"

"Oh sod off that was 10 minutes ago."

Jisung shook the coins in his hand, only a few remained. The prices got bumped up too much.

"We could either do the crane or the gachapon."

"What's the difference?"

"Gachapon is more expensive but it guarantees you a figure or keychain. Depends. The crane is just rigged."

"Let's do the gachapon then."

Jisung squatted in front of the gachapon machine. It was placed low on the ground as it would normally be for kids to use. He inserted two coins, turned the knob then waited. A plastic ball soon came rolling out of the machine. He took it in his hands to crack it open.

"Oh god, Minho it's a fish! We can give it to your cats!"

"I think I'll have to pass, they might choke on it..."

Jisung hung the fish keychain above his mouth, swinging it back and forth. Minho swiped his hand at the keychain, trying to snatch it from Jisung. This only caused Jisung to move backwards, preventing him from succeeding.

"Uh-oh Minho! Im gonna choke on this keychain!"

"Oh my god Jisung just don't."

Jisung let out a laugh, tucking away the keychain in his pocket. "Just kidding~"

Minho flipped his remaining coins in his hand. All of Jisung's coins went to the keychain which meant they could do one more thing. Jisung thought Minho would try to get another fish keychain so they could match until he suggested something even more terrifying.

"Sungie, do you wanna do the photo booth?"

That nickname, that photobooth. It's what should've happened earlier, just, different circumstances. Maybe he should've lied to Minho about being sensitive to flashing lights--which would be a horrible lie considering the fact that the arcade itself is a massive disco ball.

"Sure." Instant regret. Jisung followed Minho into the photobooth. Minho sat on the inside with Jisung right beside the curtain. Minho placed his coins inside the slot. Such a simple action made Jisung pale.

"And... ok. Jisung, pose!"

"What?"

The flash went off right as Jisung looked at the camera, temporarily blinding him. The countdown started to go down again, Jisung regained face and placed his fingers under his chin in a finger gun position to make his face more angular. The flash went off once again, the last photo.

Jisung felt Minho move beside him, their arms interlocking. Jisung raised his head to look at the side of Minho's face. Even just that much of his face shows that he was smiling. And the final flash went off.

Jisung couldn't feel his legs, barely making it out of the photobooth. He stood there for a while, staring at the interior of the arcade, the paint on the walls suddenly more appealing to him. Minho emerged to his side with his hand on Jisung's shoulder.

"Pffft. Sungie look! You look so shocked in the first and last pics."

"..."

Minho ranted to him about the details in every photo but none of his words reached Jisung. What the hell? Why did he do that? Jisung held his right arm, massaging it as if he'd been burnt, touched by fire. Fire so hot that it vaporized him.

"Jisung, are you alright?" Jisung shook his head in response.

"Y-yeah. Totally alright, I feel amazing."

Minho had a scrutinizing look in his eyes, like he didn't believe him. A sigh left his mouth.

"Whatever you say."

The two walked out of the arcade, walking past shops and street vendors. The amount of people causing them to walk closer to each other which didn't help the tension at all. Multiple collisions and the more so often "Sorry"'s being the only form of communication between them as of now. The journey to the bus stop for Jisung's bus was a lot harder than expected.

The shed with a map of the bus routes grew closer and closer while the two individuals grew further. Jisung and Minho sat on almost opposite sides of the bench, the distance between them becoming noticeable. 

The wait was unbearable, no sort of interactions so far. Jisung fiddled with his fingers. Was it worth it? To make him uncomfortable? To create distance between us? This is what I've wanted, so why does it hurt so bad?

"Hey Ji-"

"My bus is here."

Jisung stood up, turned to Minho and slightly bowed his head then entered the vehicle. Now he could finally go 'home'.

So why is Minho following him?

Jisung took his seat near the window once again, just like earlier. Minho sitting right next to him on his left. Jisung kept staring out the window while Minho shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The constant movement irritated Jisung as they were seatmates.

"Why are you following me?" The question wasn't meant to come out as harsh as the way it did. Minho sat still, frozen to the sudden confrontation.

"My house is this way too-"

"Your bus was going to arrive right after this one."

Jisung stared at Minho, Minho looking down in guilt after being caught.

"I wanted to make sure you got home safe." Jisung sighed.

"You didn't have to do that, you know?"

"Right."

Another silence. Minho seemed to realize that every attempt he made at speaking with Jisung would fail due to Jisung giving limited answers. Not that Jisung was mad at him, he could never bring himself to-

"Jisung it's your stop." Jisung made his way out of his seat, staring expectantly at Minho.

"You said you'll bring me home, right? Come on." The words made Minho smile, the duo exited the bus, walking down the pavement together, towards Jisung's house. 

The silence this time wasn't as serious or painful as the other ones. It was the right balance of comfortable and bearable. Shoes rubbing against gravel and tiny pebbles. Multiple houses in a small neighborhood.

Jisung does admit that he misses this place. He doesn't live here anymore so seeing this place brings back memories. Minho's figure walked slightly behind him, the two of them making short eye-contact.

_"I guess this place makes memories too."_

"We're here." Jisung stated once they reached his house. Jisung started walking down the path to his porch until Minho called after him from behind.

"Jisung!"

"Hm?"

Minho left his mouth open for a while, words not seeming to come out even when he tries so hard to form them. 

"Nevermind!" Minho smiles at Jisung, waving a goodbye before running back to the bus stop. 

And that's when Jisung broke into tears.

Bitter laughs from a figure dimly illuminated by the street lamps. Tear tracks trailing down his cheeks. All the emotions from seeing him again to making new memories with him.

_Minho was supposed to confess to me today._

Jisung had slight hiccups. _Why am I even crying so much?_ He pinched his arms, trying to sustain the pain but only multiplied it. But maybe, it was for the best.

I can't lose you if I never had you. 


End file.
